Unadulterated I. E.

I have learned that having expectations of someone will only end up with you having an empty unsatisfied feeling in the pit of your stomach!  It is extremely funny / sad how you can start off a new relationship with someone you  know and understand as well as you understand yourself, but then feel like they are a complete stranger once you cross that proverbial line of an obscured definition of that relationship.
Then you have to worry about who is going to choose which side and on and on it goes to become something so fucked up that you want to run and get away from the anxiety that it has created.  It is something I have struggled with since I have discovered what it is to be in any relationship, friend or more.   I find it hard to believe anyone when they say "I don't lie, because at least I know then, I have nothing to hide and am being completely open with who I am".  We all have our own ways of, if not lying, then not telling the whole truth.  It seems that there is this certain line that once it is crossed, things all of a sudden change to something else!    Nobody wants to play the fool, but once you played it so many times over you sort of get tired of being in that role. So you have choices, but choosing which one is torturous and nerve racking!!!!  On one hand I think there is a part in everyone who wants to be special to a certain other that they love.  Not just special, but a special that can not be reached by anyone else but you.  We look to create an unbreakable bond with another that will separate you from all the confusion, and obscurity of the outside world.  Once you have that bond it seems like you are on top of the world!  If that bond is taken away for whatever reason it will put a weight on ones shoulders that will crush every good thought that tries to push its way up through the adversity.  So how do you reverse the damages?  The fact is...... you can't. the only things you can do is either grow from it and move forward over the obstacle if it is that important to both people involved ( or if your into this type of this 3 or more people involved), or stop it completely and hope that in time your friendship will heal back!  Both choices are not easy at all and hurt pretty bad, but the loss of a strong friendship is a much harder thing to deal with and takes so much longer to get over!  If one of the people involved becomes emotionally unavailable in a relationship, then there is nothing you can do, except do you!  you must give people their space to do them, but at the same time if you wait on the sidelines too long for them to figure themselves out in regards to you, you will never get any playing time in the game and will ultimately lose!  The point of this entry is that communication is key no matter how much it might suck to say something that is on your mind and risk hurting someone you love, but regardless they will respect you in the end or if they don't then they are letting their pride get in the way!  When you try to hard you run the risk of fucking it all up!!  "The deepest cut of all comes from a trusted friend."